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#5: Quarter 1

Hey Everyone,

Well, it's month number 5 and our first-ever fiscal quarter is officially complete.

For most businesses, the end of Q1 marks a time of reflection. It would be the same for us if we could remember those months. However, we are severely sleep deprived.

While most of it's a blur, a few important things have stuck with us. First, don't take pans out of an oven and apply them to your skin. Your skin will burn. Second, If you're going to verbally assault your friend over 7-grain bread, do it in the back of the restaurant away from customers. Finally and maybe the most important lesson of all, we've learned that you should never give money to a strange man who claims to work at a nearby pizza joint where he's supposedly locked his cash register and needs to borrows $30. And don't do the latter even if the strange man offers to leave a "gold" watch for collateral. The fake gold of that watch has forever turned Anthony's giving heart to black.

Since we've still got a lot to learn, we turned to someone with experience and clarity for perspective on Q1 '04 -- our mentor, Uncle Faris.

Unfortunately, as we reported in our last newsletter, Uncle Faris remains indisposed due to alleged bouts of blindness and supposed severe weather conditions that strangely circle in a continuous pattern above Canton.

He has however, eagerly offered to help us with our recent scam artist incident and issued these words of advice to the perpetrator, "You stole money from my godson, so I am comin' after you. You can not hide from me. All you can do is run, until I get ya'." We don't really know how he plans to overcome his vision ailment and the weather conditions to get the perpetrator, but we all hope he does.

To help us deal with our other problems, we've decided to focus on the bits of advice he spewed incessantly throughout our childhoods.

We'd be in his kitchen eating a sandwich and for no reason, he'd give an agitated shout, "You can't fight city hall, boys".

Or, we'd be pulling out of the driveway and Uncle Faris would scream for no apparent reason, "Swing and Sway like Sammy Kay."

These are just a couple in a long list of secret mantras that he repeats over and over again to give us strength.

The problem is that while we remember everything he said, we've never had a clue what any of it meant.

Recently, via cryptic phone conversations, we convinced Uncle Faris to translate some of these sayings. What we figured out is that they still don't make any sense. But, the sayings make us feel happy. And because we like to feel happy, we felt compelled to immortalize them on our website in the hopes that someone else will read them and somehow unlock life's great mysteries or at least feel happy.

To check out his sayings, visit our new "the world according to Uncle Faris" webpage at http://www.bgood.com/faris.php

In honor of this historic moment, we've printed up a bunch of t-shirts to give to you, our most important customers. Just print out this email and come to b.good and pick up a free "Uncle Faris" t-shirt. But, come soon because we only have enough to give away to the first 200 email subscribers who claim them.

Then, for the rest of this month, come back into b.good wearing your Uncle Faris t-shirt and we'll give you a free "cousin oliver" burger.  There's no limit to the number of times you can come in, so put on your Uncle Faris t-shirt and eat free burgers all June-long.

As always, if you know anyone crazy enough to want to receive this newsletter or crazy enough to wear an Uncle Faris t-shirt, forward them this email and tell them to sign up at our website.

Anthony & Jon