Meet our champion
Name: Ryan Michael FitzGerald
Nickname: (IF ANY): Fitz, Fitzy, Ry Fizzle
Hometown: Boston, MA
Profession: Competitive Eater
Besides inventing names for house-ground, hand-packed burgers, what are
your interests or hobbies? Well, I used to dedicate countless volunteer hours to my local animal
hospital and shelter, but now that I've discovered this talent of mine
to name house-ground, hand-packed burgers, it's all that consumes me.
Sure, gently healing the wounds of a neglected, orphaned kitten is nice
and all. You definitely get that warm fuzzy feeling inside, knowing
that you've done something good. But I ask you this simple question.
Warm fuzzies or free bacon burgers? 'Nuff said.
What qualities separated you from the all those other b.good customers who
tried and failed to name our beautiful, bacon-jalapeno-ranch burger? 1) My girth. I find it unlikely that many of the other
contestants match me in that category, given that they're loyal
customers of b.good and, thus, undoubtedly, fit as a fiddle. Although,
I eat at b.good as often as humanly possible, I somehow manage to
maintain my tragic obesity. Perhaps, it's the tall glass of meatballs I
drink every night before bed that does it. Who knows? I'm not a
nutritionist. 2) I also have a birth mark on my left side, just
under my rib cage.looks like a big freckle. Mom says it means I'm going
to be real handsome when I grow up. Or that could have been what she
told me so that I wouldn't be afraid to take my shirt off at the beach.
Anyways, I digress. I find it unlikely that many of the other
contestants have that exact same birthmark. 3) And for any
remaining contestants that may match the criteria above (freakish
birthmark and comical obesity), I might just have to conclude that I'm
simply more talented than they are.but I would never say that. After
all, we're all a part of the b.good family like the newsletters say and
I would never talk about my brothers and sisters that way.
How many el guapos do you predict you'll consume over the course of the
next year? That's like asking how many stars there are in the sky or how many
grains of sand there are on the beach. The number is staggering. I
would not dare set a limit on myself.
Are you dedicating this award to anyone who was influential in your
decision to name our burger? Yes. Rich Garces, former relief pitcher of the Boston Red Sox, who
happened to bear the nickname, "El Guapo". He was a talented and highly
paid "professional athlete", who could beat anybody in the Major Leagues
on any given night, but probably couldn't tell you the color of the
socks he was wearing while doing it, given his rotund physique. He was
a true inspiration to all husky kids growing up in Boston. Because of
him, we knew that we could excel in sports without giving up our
favorite highly caloric snacks.
Most champions have a motto by which they live their lives. What's yours?
Before you judge any man, try walking a mile in his shoes first. That
way, when you judge him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
